My hand turned me down
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
