the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
