sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
