do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
