thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
