You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
