I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
