don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
