Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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