my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize