I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
