hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
worst night to have a conscience
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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