I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
do nipples grow back?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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