We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
