So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
