his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
