You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
