I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
