I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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