the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
