and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
