I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
