I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
