did you get engaged???
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So squirting runs in the family.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
