I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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