I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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