Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
