woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I didn't notice because vodka
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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