So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
