hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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