I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
