So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
