I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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