my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
