sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
