It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
