Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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