My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
