Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize