Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
