I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
