How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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