Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
