Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm sobbing to NWA
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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