TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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