I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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