New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This toilet bowl is my home.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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