I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
