Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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