going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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