i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
