Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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