It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
