Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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