I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Randomize
