Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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