Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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