i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
