I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
