i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
