Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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