I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
