Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize