There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
