I have demons in me.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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