if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
