wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
