Non-Jews are for practice
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
