from now on my penis is your penis
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
